


Nothing to Fix

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [83]
Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Acceptance, Aromantic Christopher Lightwood, Asexual Christopher Lightwood, Gen, Honesty, Self-Acceptance, Talking, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Christopher doesn’t have the desire to attach himself to anyone romantically or physically. It’s never felt like something he needed, or even wanted, and certainly not something he’s missing out on.If only he could convince everyone else to believe him.
Relationships: Christopher Lightwood & James Herondale, Christopher Lightwood & Matthew Fairchild, Christopher Lightwood & Thomas Lightwood
Series: Tumblr Prompts [83]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1034831
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Nothing to Fix

**Author's Note:**

  * For [high_warlock_of_brooklyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/high_warlock_of_brooklyn/gifts).



> Tumblr Prompt: AroAce Christopher Lightwood

Christopher isn’t sure how much longer he can keep this up. He knows that his friends mean well, and the girls they keep setting him up on dates with are all, objectively, very lovely. He doesn’t mind the time he spends talking with them, even if there’s never a second date. And there’s _never_ a second date. It takes him a few tries to pick up on _why_ he doesn’t want a second date, because Matthew and the others ask him every time what went wrong and every time he doesn’t have an answer. Nothing went wrong. He just doesn’t want to.

That isn’t an answer the others accept, however - surely there has to be a reason, a _cause_ , so Christopher tries again. And again.

There’s a certain pressure of expectation upon him now that James’ engagement to Cordelia brings the two of them closer together, Matthew continues to have his fair share of romantic trysts even if nothing is serious, and Thomas and Alastair admit to liking one another. Even Lucie seems to be sneaking out to meet with a boy, though she insists she isn’t whenever suspicions arise.

Christopher doesn’t _feel_ left out, but it’s implied that he should - that he must be lying when he says he’s not interested and perfectly content at home with his experiments while the others are out. The idea that he’s genuinely disinterested is apparently so absurd that no one even _humors_ it.

It takes Christopher a while to realize the simplicity of the truth, and even longer to accept it, in the face of being told he simply has to try again, try _harder_ , or find some mystical ‘right person’ who will make everything fall into place.

Once he’s certain he’s entirely content with his life as it is, no romantic or physical attachments needed, he doesn’t hesitate to tell others as much when they ask. No, he doesn’t feel the drive to go out on his own to meet new people, he enjoys the friends he has very much. And no, he certainly doesn’t have the desire to attach himself to anyone romantically or physically. It’s never felt like something he needed, or even wanted, and certainly not something he’s missing out on.

If only he could convince everyone else to believe him.

As is the recently formed routine of these set-ups, Christopher makes his way back up to their room above the pub after it’s over, greeting the eager faces of his friends with a sheepish grin, a shrug, and a shake of his head. And, as is also routine, he watches their faces fall with a sense of disappointment he doesn’t share.

Now Matthew is giving him a quizzical up-and-down. “Is it the girls? Perhaps we could find you a nice guy to date? I may know a few who would go for the eccentric scientist thing...”

“I’d rather not,” Christopher admits. “Can we please just accept this isn’t going to happen and allow me to go back to normal?”

That’s what Christopher longs for - the days when no one thought he was ‘holding himself back’ by spending his free time as he wished.

“What are you talking about? This is perfectly normal,” Thomas insists.

“Yes, normal for you. Because these things have always mattered to the lot of you, and you pursued them. But they never have for me, and that hasn’t changed. The only thing that’s changed is everyone’s insistence that they should,” Christopher points out. And it’s so obvious to him, so simple, that he doesn’t understand why the others don’t see it.

He’s never gotten upset with them about it before because he knows they have the best of intentions and are only trying to do right by him… but maybe that’s why they haven’t taken him seriously when he tries to explain himself. Maybe if he gets a little upset about it they’ll realize how frustrated he’s getting.

So Christopher adds, more forcefully this time, “I simply don’ want it. And it’d be nice to not be treated like I’m something to be fixed because of it.”

And then they _do_ see it. Christopher can pinpoint the exact moment his words seem to register with James first, then Thomas, then Matthew. He can tell because with that realization also comes an almost immediate look of shame or guilt from each of them as they also realize how uncomfortable Christopher’s been trying to fit a role he never wanted in the first place.

“You really meant it when you said you didn’t want to date,” Matthew says slowly.

“Of course I did, why else would I say it?” Christopher rolls his eyes.

“People lie to get out of things like dates all the time, just because meeting new people can be awkward, or intimidating,” Thomas points out, but there’s a small smile on his face. “But you’re not most people, and we should’ve known that.”

“Are you cross with us?” Matthew asks. “You know we just want you to be happy, we never meant for you to feel, like--” Matthew trails off, looking to the others for help when he isn’t quite sure what to say.

“-like you need to be fixed,” James fills in, echoing Christopher’s own words back, though he seems equally unsure of how to continue. “We didn’t realize… You know we never meant to-”

“I’m not mad,” Christopher cuts in to reassure the three of them. “I know you had good intentions. And I _am_ happy. I’m perfectly content with my life right now, and the friends and family I have. I don’t need a girlfriend or a boyfriend for that. Moreover, I don’t _want_ one.”

“If you’re certain…” Matthew says, still sounding hesitant and a bit uncertain, like he’s trying to understand and wrap his head around an impossible concept. “And you don’t feel lonely?”

“Why would I feel lonely,” Christopher says, looking meaningfully around the group. He looks at them, and thinks of Anna, and Henry, and his own parents. He has so much love in his life that’s just as valid as any romantic or physical love. “When I’m not alone?”

“Of course you’re not,” Thomas agrees.

“Alright then. No more dates,” Matthew promises, his words paired with a firm nod.

The relief Christoper feels is so strong it catches him by surprise. He knows they don’t quite get it, and maybe they never will, at least not entirely. But they listened to him and they respected his feelings on it, and that’s a good start. It’s far from perfect and he’s certain this is only the first of many conversations on the subject, but for now, it’s enough.

As the conversation shifts to training and patrols and everything they used to discuss before all their attention focused to him and his lack of love life, Christopher gets something better than his wish that things would simply go back to the way they were before. Because now his friends look to him with a new understanding, and Christopher feels more seen than he has in a long, long while.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


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